Family Life motherhood

Why can’t a mother just be a mother

I love doing “nothing” with my life. Stay at home mom’s can you relate? I know you don’t do anything either.

I love my carefree days at home, the ones where we lay in bed, watch TV eating snacks and fall asleep before 10am for our first of four naps for the day. I can’t think of a time where I am more relaxed and less stressed than when I am trying to work on various projects for the household, blog or nonprofit and my children are fighting over who is the real Superman or whose shoes stink the worse. It is pure happiness when my children play quietly in their room while I have my home manicurist come and touch up my nails. Oh, don’t forget the joy I feel when they clean up their mess without even being asked. Absolute bliss.

Somehow this is how some people view my life as a stay at home mom. In all reality it looks nothing like this. If I wanted a manicure I would be toting 3 children along. If the kids were in their room quietly playing, I would soon have  a huge mess of toys, and poop smeared walls to clean up. If I want them to clean their room I have to stand over them and yell repeatedly.

I am not sure where the fantasy of these relaxing, stress free days came from but it is not realistic in the slightest.

I am no less of a woman because I choose to chase children instead of a career. Why do people assume I gave up on a career? Do you think they know that being a wife and mother is what I have always wanted? Is my contribution to this society not great enough by raising my children to be decent human beings? Because I think it is.

I don’t have less value in myself because I choose to serve my husband and family. I make dinner, put it on a plate and bring it to him, not because I have to but because I want to. It is not expected or required, I just do it. When my husband cooks he does the same for me, in our home it is a gesture of love and respect vs. a sign of submission.

I love the work I do. I wouldn’t choose any other life, so why do people think I need to? The constant comparison between mothers is so insane. Why can’t a mother just be a mother without someone telling her she is doing it wrong or she needs to do more?

Stay at home moms do a hard, stressful, exhausting, physically demanding job.

Ahh, wait. I can just hear all the “but working moms” and the “you have no ideas” coming at me. The comparisons are almost jumping through my screen right now and they can just stop right there. Just because I say that a mother who stays home has a hard job doesn’t mean I think those who work have it any easier. It doesn’t have to be one or the other.

Let me get something straight, this post, or life for that matter is not about who does it better.

If you are a stay at home mom, you rock!

If you are a working mother, you rock!

I am in no competition with any of you. This is about me, and MY CHOICE for my family. I don’t understand the need for those to constantly try to prove that one is a better choice than the other. Neither is better, neither is worse, we all just do what fits our family best. That is what being a mother is about putting your family first with every choice you make. So whether you choose to work outside the home or choose to stay home, you are doing the right thing for your family.

Why don’t we all just try to focus on the amazing job we are doing as mothers instead of using someone else and their life as a yardstick for ours. Don’t put someone down because their life looks different than yours. Lift each other up ,we all need a little boost every once in a while.

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Comments (3)

  1. Love this!!! I’ve done both, and being a working mom or SAHM each has their own benefits and challenges. For me and my personality, being a stay at home/homeschooling mom fits so much better, but I know many amazing working moms who love what they do and have a tremendous amount of love and affection for their children, and it works for their family.

  2. Kayla this post is so on point. For some reason, people are considered lazy if their number one priority is cultivating a great family life. Personally, I think one of the best things you can offer society is a few well raised, stable, normal children. We need more stable people in this world. Thanks for your words today!

  3. preach! being a mom was so much easier when i didn’t have kids 😉
    all jokes aside, as long as you are fulfilled and happy, your family reflects it. i’ve been both a working-mom and a sahm, and didn’t discover until this year that the role that fits me best is a part-time working/sahm mom!