Life motherhood

Letting Toxic People Go

The other day I wrote about friendships and how they are so important. I can value the friends in my life more because of those dysfunctional friendships I have made myself let go. I am blessed to be surrounded with amazing people, not because I am lucky but the value I had in myself changed.

Are you feeling joy?

Have you ever had an overwhelming thought of being so lucky with those you surround yourself with? The thought of being wrapped in love and friendship just consumes you and you just feel the pure joy of where you are in life? Or do you sit and think about those who surround you and wonder why they are so negative, so toxic, so hard to please and the wave that hits you is not one of joy it is one of helplessness and sadness. Yes? No? I can honestly say this thought has came over me like a huge wave and I just felt like I was drowning.

A few years ago you would have found me right in the middle of feeling helpless and so down on myself. I would assume that the actions of others were a direct reflection of me. If anyone had something negative to say, I would take it as truth and it would eat away at me while I analyzed every single toxic word.

Toxicity

Toxic
(tok-sik)
adjective
1. of, pertaining to, affected with, or caused by a toxin or poison: a toxic condition.
2. causing unpleasant feelings; harmful or malicious: 
3. a toxic boyfriend; toxic criticism.

Can you relate the definition of toxic to anyone in your life? Does someone in your life cause these unpleasant feelings that can become harmful and malicious? Do you wonder why you let them have power of your thoughts and feelings?  I have been there, overwhelmed with the defeat of being less than.

Lets get serious about this for a minute, who are these actions really reflective of? You or the toxic person? This could be a friend, family member or coworker. These can be people you see all the time or someone you follow on social media who is constantly posting things that condemn your way of living and your beliefs. This negativity will get you if you let it. I am not perfect in this area but I have found a way to pull out of the constant berating of myself.

Who are you surrounding yourself with?

I realized I needed to fix the problem and the problem was me. No, I wasn’t the one who was being hateful but I was the one who would let it get to me. I hold the key to my happiness, not others. So I decided to take action and I had roughly three choices.

1. Let it get to you and constantly feel yucky.

2. Cut them out of your life (which this is hard to do especially if they are family)

3. Realize your self worth. Your value is more than constant criticism.

I chose number 3. It was hard and it took some work, I am still a work in progress.  I made the decision for myself and for my family I would no longer let the words of others impact me so greatly.

What Do you do?

I made the decision to stop reaching out.  If I didn’t leave a conversation feeling good, if I would leave with the feeling of self-doubt and all my insecurities bubbling to the surface, I knew this was a clue. So I just stopped, I wasn’t going to put myself through that anymore.

I unfollowed on Facebook. If it didn’t bring me joy I hit the unfollow or the un-friend button. I just didn’t have it in me to see it in my newsfeed. So I decided I had a new filter to what would be allowed into my life while scrolling. At one point I left Facebook for 6 months, it was great, the extra time I had to focus on loving me and to stop trying to live up to the expectations of others was so needed.

Read more. I invested my time into devotionals, the word of God and books that inspired me. This was something I needed to help me realize my self worth and grow in my inner strength to know what I would accept in my life. Reading gave me that time.

I focused more on the friendships that did bring me joy. The ones who uplifted me and encouraged me. I had been neglecting these relationships while trying to mend the broken, dysfunctional ones. These are the friendships I wanted to grow.

I made the decision to be happy. I just took the time to put value in myself so their words didn’t take space in my heart and mind. Realizing their constant need for negativity was not my problem it was solely theirs.

If you are having a hard time with a relationship decide which path you will take. Make the best decision for you and your family. It may not be easy but you are worth it.

 

 

 

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Comments (8)

  1. Great post. The tough part is when the toxic person or people are in your (immediate) family. When you have kids, you want them to know their family and where they came from. I struggle between that want and worrying that my family’s bad behavior will rub off on my toddler. Lots to think about!

  2. It is so very difficult some times to see that it’s not just you, but those which are around you. It took me a long time to realize that I have no guilt to possess for those that chose not to move forward with me but instead stay stuck within their comfort zones. Great advice!

  3. I once had to cut someone out who was toxic in my life. A cousin whom I used to be extremely close with. She got involved with drugs and I couldn’t be around her after a while. I wanted to help but knew she would only steal from me and more than likely get me in some kind of trouble… I had seen it before… she eventually killed herself and I felt guilt because I cute her out. Looking back I know there was nothing I could have done. I had tried, we all had and nothing helped because she would not help herself.

  4. I have had this type of conversation with several of my friends that I see in poor relationships. Often when they came back with a “but i love him” I reply that love can be toxic and sometimes you just have to let go.

  5. It is just so important to surround yourself with the people you love and make you happy. I think social media today really can greatly affect us more than we think. Unfollowing and getting away from it are really helpful suggestions.