Category: motherhood

Letting Toxic People Go

Life motherhood

Letting Toxic People Go

The other day I wrote about friendships and how they are so important. I can value the friends in my life more because of those dysfunctional friendships I have made myself let go. I am blessed to be surrounded with amazing people, not because I am lucky but the value I had in myself changed.

Are you feeling joy?

Have you ever had an overwhelming thought of being so lucky with those you surround yourself with? The thought of being wrapped in love and friendship just consumes you and you just feel the pure joy of where you are in life? Or do you sit and think about those who surround you and wonder why they are so negative, so toxic, so hard to please and the wave that hits you is not one of joy it is one of helplessness and sadness. Yes? No? I can honestly say this thought has came over me like a huge wave and I just felt like I was drowning.

A few years ago you would have found me right in the middle of feeling helpless and so down on myself. I would assume that the actions of others were a direct reflection of me. If anyone had something negative to say, I would take it as truth and it would eat away at me while I analyzed every single toxic word.

Toxicity

Toxic
(tok-sik)
adjective
1. of, pertaining to, affected with, or caused by a toxin or poison: a toxic condition.
2. causing unpleasant feelings; harmful or malicious: 
3. a toxic boyfriend; toxic criticism.

Can you relate the definition of toxic to anyone in your life? Does someone in your life cause these unpleasant feelings that can become harmful and malicious? Do you wonder why you let them have power of your thoughts and feelings?  I have been there, overwhelmed with the defeat of being less than.

Lets get serious about this for a minute, who are these actions really reflective of? You or the toxic person? This could be a friend, family member or coworker. These can be people you see all the time or someone you follow on social media who is constantly posting things that condemn your way of living and your beliefs. This negativity will get you if you let it. I am not perfect in this area but I have found a way to pull out of the constant berating of myself.

Who are you surrounding yourself with?

I realized I needed to fix the problem and the problem was me. No, I wasn’t the one who was being hateful but I was the one who would let it get to me. I hold the key to my happiness, not others. So I decided to take action and I had roughly three choices.

1. Let it get to you and constantly feel yucky.

2. Cut them out of your life (which this is hard to do especially if they are family)

3. Realize your self worth. Your value is more than constant criticism.

I chose number 3. It was hard and it took some work, I am still a work in progress.  I made the decision for myself and for my family I would no longer let the words of others impact me so greatly.

What Do you do?

I made the decision to stop reaching out.  If I didn’t leave a conversation feeling good, if I would leave with the feeling of self-doubt and all my insecurities bubbling to the surface, I knew this was a clue. So I just stopped, I wasn’t going to put myself through that anymore.

I unfollowed on Facebook. If it didn’t bring me joy I hit the unfollow or the un-friend button. I just didn’t have it in me to see it in my newsfeed. So I decided I had a new filter to what would be allowed into my life while scrolling. At one point I left Facebook for 6 months, it was great, the extra time I had to focus on loving me and to stop trying to live up to the expectations of others was so needed.

Read more. I invested my time into devotionals, the word of God and books that inspired me. This was something I needed to help me realize my self worth and grow in my inner strength to know what I would accept in my life. Reading gave me that time.

I focused more on the friendships that did bring me joy. The ones who uplifted me and encouraged me. I had been neglecting these relationships while trying to mend the broken, dysfunctional ones. These are the friendships I wanted to grow.

I made the decision to be happy. I just took the time to put value in myself so their words didn’t take space in my heart and mind. Realizing their constant need for negativity was not my problem it was solely theirs.

If you are having a hard time with a relationship decide which path you will take. Make the best decision for you and your family. It may not be easy but you are worth it.

 

 

 

When You Are Tired of Being Tired

Family Life motherhood

When You Are Tired of Being Tired

I am exhausted. Down right worn out and I am tired of being tired.

Tired of Being TIred

Do you remember my word for this year, Balance? I am having a hard time finding the balance. Every day something or someone gets the most of my attention, I’ll be honest there isn’t a lot of balance going on. I find myself lacking in some area, not doing something on my huge to do list and this is leaving me feeling like I am not doing enough. When in all reality it’s because I am doing so much for the ones I love and forgetting I have needs. I am always doing for others, putting myself last and forgetting MY needs. Draining myself to the point I am so tired I can not see past my list of to-dos.

 

I know the saying “Put your own oxygen mask on before helping others” but I don’t even know where my oxygen mask is. I am not complaining, each thing on my to-do list brings me great joy. I do not want to remove anything. I do want to lesson my stress and this overwhelming feeling of exhaustion.

This right here is me.

{photo credit: Close to Classy}

 

As hard as it is to admit I am not always pleasant to be around. I can yell, be short-tempered  and extremely low on patience with everyone around me. I always wait until I get to this point to do something about it. I know it can not be healthy for me or my family. My mood sets the tone for my household and this is not the mood I want filling myself and those I love.

So now what? What do I do to prevent myself from turning into a red eyed, head spinning monster? I am not Daniel Tiger so counting to four isn’t going to work for me. I need to practice selfcare to be able to care for those I love. Self care doesn’t have to mean a long spa day or a night away. You can take care of yourself by doing little things each day. If you are like me this is hard to do but it is a must.

Self Care

  1. Stop feeling guilty. You need to care for yourself. I know as mother’s we feel like we have to put everyone’s needs in front of our own but by doing this you are still putting your family first. Taking the time to renew yourself you are able to give them the best you.
  2. Wake up before the kids. I actually already do this one. I am not a morning person but I set my alarm for 5:45am every morning so I can wake, get a shower, drink my coffee and catch up on some things before the kids wake up and start demanding my attention. I can tell a difference in my mood when I hit the snooze and miss this special quiet time in the morning. I need it.
  3. Don’t compare yourself to others. This one gets me, I look at others and wish I could be do half as much as them. I have to remind myself it is not all it appears to be. People like to present their best self, rarely do they let you see the messy side.

    {photo credit: domesticatedmomster.com}
  4. If you can’t get an entire afternoon away, carve out time in your daily schedule that is just yours. Read a book, drink your coffee alone, workout, do whatever it is to help you get 15 minutes to yourself. Take advantage of nap time or let them have some screen time.
  5. Take a long relaxing bath or shower. I feel so rejuvenated after a good hot shower or bath. I do my best thinking in the shower and I love this time to myself to just relax and think.
  6. Get together with other moms. Sometimes I just don’t feel like playing another game of dinosaurs or shopkins. I just want to relax and have some adult conversation while the kids enjoy some fun playtime with their friends.
  7. Make lists. Make a top 3, put things that HAVE to be done at the top. What doesn’t get done moves to tomorrow, if it doesn’t get done there is always tomorrow. We absolutely can not plan out every detail in our life.
  8. If you possibly can, get away for a quiet afternoon. Do this alone or meet up with a friend. Unwind and just do you for an afternoon. You deserve it.
  9. Remember you can not do it all. Delegate and show your self some grace. You are doing a fabulous job juggling everything you have on your plateI am done with being tired of being tired. I am going to work on being the best me I can be, not just for me but for my entire family. What are you doing that helps you unwind, relax, and focus on yourself?
10 Ways I am Rocking Motherhood

Family Life motherhood

10 Ways I am Rocking Motherhood

I am #RockingMotherhood. Although if you asked the lady in Aldi’s parking lot who witnessed me slap a half eaten pastry out of one child’s hand while the other bent down to pick up smashed already chewed gum, I believe she would disagree.

I was nominated for the #RockingMotherhood challenge by Jessica at Body After Baby.  I just love the idea of highlighting the positive in motherhood. Let me be the first to tell you, this was a hard one for me. I had to sit down and stare at a blinking cursor for far more than I would like to admit. If this was a list about my failures I could knock that out in no time but this, no not this. It is incredibly hard for me to think of what I do well when it comes to being a mother. But I did it and it felt good, kinda.

Reasons I am Rocking Motherhood

  1.  I am not perfect. I make mistakes and with those mistakes I allow my children to watch me grow from them. I face challenges, both big and small each day and as I choose how to handle them I always remember who is watching me.
  2.  I love their Daddy. I show my children the meaning of truly loving and respecting someone. I want to show them the value of family. I want them to know the importance of loving, respecting and caring for those around you.
  3. I put my children before myself in all things. Every decision I make I consider how it will impact their lives. It isn’t about making their lives easier or even mine. Sometimes these decisions make both our lives harder but I make the best decisions I can for my family. I hold the responsibility I have to be their mother to the highest.
  4. We allow mistakes. Knowing that children are not perfect, I try my best to remember that mistakes happen. This isn’t always easy when I just want to scream at the top of my lungs because of spilt milk, I still do the screaming sometimes but I try my hardest to show them grace. To let them know mistakes are allowed and we can learn from them.
  5. I recognize that all of our children are different. They are their own individual person with their own unique personalities. I want them to thrive in this world on who they are not who I think they should be and definitely not who others think they should be. Who they are is absolutely perfect. Who they are will set this world on fire.
  6. I do things I may not always want to do. I play the stinky feet game, I laugh at fart jokes, I make up the craziest bedtime stories. Stories that include super heroes, the big bad wolf and cow poop all wrapped into one off the wall story. Talking about poop isn’t my thing but it sure is my families so hey, I will proudly own the Poop Mom title.
  7. I am grateful. I am thankful for every moment shared with my children, I know they are not to be taken for granted. I may joke a lot about counting down the minutes until bed time but I do know these moments are fleeting. I may be down right exhausted but I stand in awe each day of my privilege to be their mother and for that I am grateful.
  8. I am their teacher. We homeschool so I not only teach them the basics but I help them learn so much more. Reading, writing and so so much math. I also guide them in being their best self while letting them experience what this world has to offer, the exciting parts and the grocery shopping parts. Every day we are learning.
  9. We make memories. I try my best to show them fun and excitement, letting them experience new things. Also allowing them to get bored and make memories with each other by letting their imaginations take them to new, exciting places.
  10. Most importantly, I am doing the absolute best I can. I show my children daily I love them and will always be there for them. I want them to know we will face any challenges together. I will be by their side to help them overcome and to celebrate.

This was definitely not as easy as you would think. Have you sat down and thought about what you are rocking at lately? I challenge you to write down 10 ways you are #RockingMotherhood.

Here are some awesome mommas who are #RockingMotherhood. Take a minute and check them out.

Cheri at Absolutely Cheri

Kristin at Our Common Chaos

Stephanie at You are my SON Shine

Liz at The Loud Introvert

Lee at LoveLee Day Planners, LLC

 

Rules

1.Thank the blogger that tagged you and link to their blog. 
2.List 10 things you believe make you a good mother (this is just a guideline. It can be more or less than 10. 
3.Tag some bloggers to join in the #RockingMotherhood Tag. 
4.Grab the #RockingMotherhood badge and add it to your post or sidebar.
 
Child-like Forgiveness

Family Life marriage motherhood

Child-like Forgiveness

I want to be more child-like. Isn’t it amazing how a child sees you? How they view you through those innocent eyes. Their ability to show you unfailing love. The unparalleled forgiveness they give.   Do you ever think you should be more like a child?

a child’s heart is inspiring.

A child allows so much grace when you fall a little short. While you are being hard on yourself, they are extending grace. They speak forgiveness when you react with a harsh tone. They somehow always see the best of you, even when you can’t even begin to believe it yourself.

Just this week my kids said some things that really stuck with me. Mav broke one of M’s toys and she was upset. Maxx comforting her tells her “Don’t worry sissy, daddy will fix it. Daddy can fix anything.” I thought wow, he really believes in his daddy. My husband is a very talented and handy man, I rely on him to fix most things but everything? I can only wish to show as much faith as Maxx.

The things they observe is absolutely amazing. A few nights ago while reading a story we started talking about how much we love daddy. M jumps in and says “Nobody loves daddy more than mommy” This made me think about all the things they take away from my relationship with Keith, while it made me beam with joy knowing my love for him shows it also made me think of the things they over look.

Wouldn’t it be nice to see the good in everything? To always see the best in others rather than focusing on their flaws. I know my relationship with Keith isn’t perfect but my kids only file away the good while overruling any of the negative. Keith isn’t able to fix everything but Maxx sure believes in his ability, so why don’t we do these things? Why can’t we be more child-like?

They are not always happy with us as parents. I will be the first to tell you I am not perfect, I raise my voice entirely too much but they don’t doubt us, never question our love for them. Holding a grudge is not something they do. Do I hold too many grudges?

I know my children can get really upset when something of theirs gets broken or lost. You don’t hear them bringing up the toy you broke and throwing it in your face three weeks later. They extend forgiveness. Do I extend enough forgiveness?

I know I do not show the grace and forgiveness as I should. I know my voice can be too harsh and my anger last too long. I am striving to follow the example set by my children. Although they are not slow to anger, they are most certainly quick to forgive.

All of these traits are what we as adults seek. I know for myself this to be true. I am making it a priority to be more like a child so I can lead my family by example. I want them to not only see the love I have for them and their daddy but also the forgiveness, grace and faith.

You are not always the teacher in the household. Your children have many valuable lessons to share, just take notice.

Your children have many valuable lessons to share, just take notice.

 

Parenting Meme RoundUp

Family Life motherhood

Parenting Meme RoundUp

I love memes, some of them are so laugh out loud funny. Especially the ones about parenting. I am always sending them to friends and family. So I am going to share a few of my recent favorites with you. I hope you find some humor in these so my daughter won’t feel bad for me. She recently told me it makes her feel bad when I tell a joke and I am the only one who laughs……seriously, I do not know what my family’s problem is. Someone tell them I am funny.

Listening Habits

Patience

 

 

Cleaning

 

 

 

Just a mom

 

 

 

 

Hope you enjoyed this round up!  Send me your favorite meme to kayla@simplyburch.com and see if it will be featured on the next round up. Hit me with your best shot!

What my mother never told me

Family Life motherhood

What my mother never told me

There are things I wish my mother would have told me about MOTHERHOOD.

My mom was super open with me about parenting. She told me of the funny stories about my brother and I being less than perfect children. She told me of the joys, struggles and gratification of being a mother. She also gave me the oh so fun warning of “you will pay for your raising” What does that even mean anyway?

There are still somethings my mother never told me. So I figure if mine never told me, yours might not have either.  So here is goes.

No matter what you do, you will always be wrong. Discipline your kid too much? You are being to harsh on them. Not discipline them enough? You are raising little hellions. Laughing when your kid hits their brother in the face with a ball? You are raising a little monster. Guys, there are just some things I do not care about. You know the saying pick your battles? Yeah, we do that. We prioritize what we feel is a kid being 2 years old against what we feel will lead to them to being a nuisance to society.

There will be so much stuff. Stuff, everywhere.  From tiny socks to big piles of toys they are everywhere filling every crack of your house. Overflowing from drawers, underneath your bed, stuffed in your shoe. If there is space. You will fill it.

They need to eat. Ok, so I knew this one but I didn’t quite know to what extent. They need to eat ALOT. So many trips to the kitchen for fruit, yogurt, cheese, crackers, steak…..whatever they can get their tiny little hands on. They will eat it, all of it. Except dinner they wouldn’t dare eat that ludicrous meal.

They always need to use the bathroom at the worst possible time. Why is it they need to poop as soon as you get on the interstate? Why does their sudden urge to pee happen when you are no where near a bathroom?  No seriously I am asking, do you know?

You will spend the majority of your time cleaning. There is always a mess to clean, laundry to do, dishes to wash. They are even kind enough to make a new mess right after you have cleaned up the last mess. Since you are always cleaning they assume it is your passion and want to provide you with more of what you love.

If there is a button, they will push it. Really, any and all buttons will be pushed. Elevator buttons, handicap door buttons, emergency exits at Walmart, possibly the life support button if there is such thing. They see it, they will push it.

You will find stickers stuck to everything. You will discover stickers on the wall, the floor, the fridge, your clothes, the van windows, the bottom of your shoes. I mean everywhere. I don’t even know where they are getting all these things.

You say phrases you never thought would come out of your mouth. Examples include. “Stop peeing on your brother” “Who pooped in the closet?” “Please do not take your pants off in the store”

You will have an overwhelming amount of love. You will question daily how you can love these little humans so much. Their sweet little smiles can light up your whole day. The hilarious things they say can make you laugh so deep you will wonder if you have ever experienced so much joy before. No one can prepare you for the first time you hold your baby. The instant love that rushes over you is unreal. This overwhelming love is like non other.

You wouldn’t change a single second. I wouldn’t trade all the piles of laundry and messes for any other life. This is what I love, this is what I live for. This is what makes my heart happy.

As you wonder how you did life before the judgment, opinions, piles, grocery overload, bathroom trips, messes, apologies for making the alarm sound, and everything else that comes with motherhood. Remember you are doing the hardest most rewarding job there is.  So enjoy this messy, fun and joyous adventure of motherhood you are on.